Transparent
by theliteraltrashcan
Summary: Karamatsu Matsuno, the sextuplet who always seems to be smiling. The one who's confidence outshine everyone else's. The one without a care in the world. And...the one who hides his pain behind dark shades and a smirk, never letting anyone see the hurt in his eyes. What will happen when he can't take it anymore? What will his brothers do? TW: self-harm/suicide attempt
1. Chapter 1

"You're so painful, Shittymatsu-niisan!"

 _Please stop..._

"Ow ow ow, niisan!"

 _Please stop saying that..!_

"I really hate you, Karamatsu-niisan..."

 _What did I do to deserve this?!_

Painful. A single word that repeated itself over and over inside Karamatsu's head. No matter how many times he had tried to think of something else, something that would make him happy, that one word would keep repeating. Painful painful painful. A never ending reminder of what his brothers thought of him. Haunting him until he couldn't take it anymore, making him curl up and cover his ears in the middle of night until he would silently cry himself to sleep. But he would never let his brothers know what their words were doing to him. He couldn't.

Karamatsu slowly opened his eyes, the first thing in sight was the blurry figure of the shared bedroom at home where he and his five brothers would sleep. Blinking, his vision eventually went to normal. He yawned and stretched his body out, noticing that his feet had not hit another body. He sat up, scouting his surroundings to see that he was the only one in the room. _They forgot to wake me up again,_ Karamatsu thought, hanging his head with a sigh.

It took a few minutes to contemplate whether today would be the day to just stay in bed or get up and be productive. And as always, Karamatsu picked getting up. Why? Because if he didn't, his brothers would get suspicious and start asking questions like "are you okay?" or "did you come down with a cold again?" Not like they really cared. Or at least...that's what Karamatsu believed.

He pushed himself to his feet, rubbing his eyes as he walked over to where he left his clothes. It had been yet another long, nearly sleepless night. Nothing different from any other night. Glancing from the shirt that had his face on it too the blue sweater, Karamatsu sighed, knowing that no matter what he chose to wear, one of his brothers would tell him he was painful. Reluctantly, he started to strip from his pajamas, grabbing his jeans and slipping into them, followed by the sweater.

Picking up the mirror that he always left by his clothing, and groaned left his throat as Karamatsu noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Normally he could get away without his sunglasses unless it was bright outside, but there would always be a few consecutive days where the bags under his eyes were so dark that keeping the glasses on was necessary. This would be the fifth day in counting. He sighed and hung his head, grabbing his shades and sliding them on.

"Karamatsu-niisan?" said a voice from behind the bedroom door. Karamatsu spun around, slightly startled by the sudden voice. He blinked behind his dark shades, making it out to be Choromatsu. "Oh good, you're finally awake." Choromatsu took a step into the room, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Everyone else left already and I'm about to head to myself. Nyaa-chan is doing another meet and greet and I'm hoping that Osomatsu-niisan won't ruin it this time." He chuckled softly to himself, rubbing the back of his neck. "Anyway, mom left some breakfast for you. She wanted me to tell you before I left."

Karamatsu smirked, his normal everyday smirk that was always plastered on his face in front of anyone he knew. The smirk that was able to hide his pain. "Do not worry, my brother," he said, shooting double finger pistols at Choromatsu. "I will not go hungry, so you can go to your meet and greet without wondering if I got a healthy breakfast."

Choromatsu blinked a couple times only to let out a small laugh, shaking his head. "God, Karamatsu-niisan, why do you always have to be so painful?" He shrugged, turning around and walking out of the room, shouting from the front door, "See you later, Shittymatsu-niisan! And don't forget to wash your plate before you leave today!" which was followed by the sound of a closing door.

As soon as his slightly younger brother was out of sight, Karamatsu's ever so famous smirk faded. And with just two simple things - the word painful and the nickname Shittymatsu - Karamatsu knew that this day was going to be like any other day. He sighed, dragging his feet into the kitchen to grab the plate that his mother made for him, kneeling down in front of the table in the living room. He unwrapped the plate and grabbed the pair of chopsticks, poking at his food. He sighed, resting his head on one hand, continuing to just move his food around on his plate.

 _"Why do you always have to be so painful?"_

Karamatsu instantly dropped the chopsticks, covering his ears as the words that Choromatsu had said started repeating over and over in his head. Painful painful painful! He curled up, tears welling up while the words kept repeating. With his forehead hitting the table and the fresh warms droplets leaving his eyes and hitting the wooden surface, he already wanted this day to end.


	2. Chapter 2

For any other person, a day where the sun is shining bright and there isn't a single cloud to be found, and the temperature is perfect to the point where it's relaxing, it would make anyone happy. But for Karamatsu, it was just another day where he wanted to disappear or pretend that he didn't even exists.

After he decided against eating the breakfast his mother prepared, he threw it away and cleaned the plate before heading out. Karamatsu shoved his hands into the pocket of his sweater, sunglasses firmly on his face to hide the signs that he barely slept and the evidence that he had just cried alone at home. There weren't many places that he liked to go to get away from himself. Pachinko was really the only place that could take his mind off of things for a while, but the risk of running into one of his brothers was high considering that's where they all liked to spend their money. Karamatsu thought about going to a bar and getting drunk alone, but that was another place he could run into his brothers and it was barely noon.

Sighing, Karamatsu decided to go the bridge and stare at the river, the thing he did on most days. He looked up when he got to the bridge, walking down the sidewalk until he stopped and leaned over the railing, looking around to see if anyone was in sight. Seeing no one, he moved his sunglasses to the top of his head, resting his chin on his arms as he stared at the slow-moving water. There were times where Karamatsu would think about just jumping over the bridge into the water. Times where he thought if he drowned, he wouldn't be in pain anymore. But that idea vanished the day that Osomatsu scared him and he fell over, realizing the current wasn't strong enough to pull him under and the water was too deep for him to hit any big rocks.

"Karamatsu!" Osomatsu shouted from the end of the bridge, taking his time as he walked up to his brother. As soon as Karamatsu heard his voice, he quickly put his glasses back on, not wanting Osomatsu to see his eyes. "What are you doing here again, you're here practically everyday!" Osomatsu exclaimed. "Jeez, with all the things you could be doing, you choose to stand and stare at a river, how laaaaame." He chuckled softly, patting his brother on the shoulder. "You don't really seem to do much other than sleep, eat, stand here, and be painful."

Painful. The word that Karamatsu hated the most. The one he's heard enough in his life where the dictionary definition could be easily changed to just his name. And it killed him knowing that it's been said enough. He wanted to cry again. He wanted to scream at his brother to stop calling him painful; to tell him that he's had enough of the word. But he couldn't. Because it would only result in Osomatsu using the word even more, assuming that Karamatsu was just joking around like usual. Karamatsu smirked and laughed a bit, holding onto his own chin. "Ah, you've seemed to figure me out, brother. Is it possible that you care enough to spend time with me?" He knew what his answer would be, but just a little sign that Osomatsu cared about him, even if it was just an hour together, Karamatsu knew that it would make him genuinely happy. It would make him happy if any of his brothers wanted to hang out with him. Even just for a little while, it would show him that they cared.

Osomatsu started laughing, moving his arm away, rubbing under his nose for a moment. "I wouldn't even be able to last five minutes alone with you, Karamatsu. Without the others with me, I'm afraid you'd rub your painful aura onto me!" He chuckled, looking at his brother. "I just wanted to point out that you barely do anything and you should do something. Anyway, I'm going to find Choromatsu. I heard he's going to try to meet Nyaa-chan again and I wanna embarrass him like last time." With that, he walked to the other end of the bridge, out of sight.

Karamatsu hung his head, hands balled into fists by his sides. _Why,_ he thought. _Why do you keep calling me that. Why can't you see that it's hurting me?_ "WHY CAN'T YOU FOR ONCE TELL ME YOU CARE!" His eyes widened, realizing that last part was said out loud. People who were scattered around the sidewalks stopped and stared. Some whispered to each other things like "is the guy okay?" or "what's wrong with him?" Karamatsu looked around, his heart racing, knowing people were talking about him. Knowing they probably thought he was insane. And maybe he was. After all this time, he felt like his sanity had completely left. He gulped, not wanting strangers to see him cry.

Without a second thought, Karamatsu started running. He didn't know where he was going to go where he could get away, but he couldn't stop. Not now. Not where he could still be seen.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oi, Choromatsu," Osomatsu said, resting his head on the table in their living eyes were only half opened, giving him a sort of sleepy look despite him being wide awake. He looked over at Choromatsu, who was peacefully reading, not looking up from the pages his eyes were glued to. "I'm bored. Let's go do something."

"I'm reading, Osomatsu-niisan. If you're so bored, then go play Pachinko or something." Choromatsu showed no interest in doing anything but reading his book. He didn't even bother to look up when Osomatsu started shaking him and whining, usually all of his willpower not to yell at him or give him any attention. Which, of course, failed.

"Aaaaah, but I'm broke Fappymatsuuuuuu. Unless of course you want to give me some money." Osomatsu fell over onto his younger brother's lap, looking up at him. "Besides, even if I had money, I wouldn't want to go alone. I get bored after a while if I play alone."

"Hey, I told you to stop calling me that!" Choromatsu snarled, looking down and glaring at Osomatsu. "And if you don't have any money, why don't you go fishing with Totty or something? Stop bothering me." He looked back at his book, flipping the page.

Osomatsu smiled and quickly sat up, crossing his legs as he looked across the table to the youngest Matsuno. "What do you say, Totty? Let's go fishing."

Karamatsu had been avoiding going home for half the day, trying to find places in town to hide where he wouldn't be found. But it seemed impossible. So, giving up, he walked back home, quietly opening the front door and walking towards the living room. However, he stopped when he heard his brothers, leaning against the wall to eavesdrop, breathing softly so he wouldn't be heard.

"Mmm, I'm not really in the mood to fish right now, Osomatsu-niisan," Todomatsu replied, scrolling through things on his phone. "I went fishing yesterday, so I'm all fished out. Why don't you ask Karamatsu-niisan? He might wanna."

Karamatsu smiled a little upon hearing his name. It was rare for any of his brothers to suggesting hanging out with him, and it gave him some hope. But that hope vanished when he heard Osomatsu's answer. "What, no way!" Osomatsu shouted. "You know that he always likes to go fishing with those sparkly blue pants he has! A person can only take so much painfulness in a day and I got my fill this morning when I saw him on the bridge." Osomatsu sighed, leaning on table again. "I wanna do something!"

Choromatsu put his book down, looking around a bit. "Speaking of which, where is Karamatsu-niisan? I haven't seen him since this morning." No matter what, Choromatsu had always been the one that showed any concern towards Karamatsu. But Karamatsu still believed that none of his brother's really cared. Not even Choro. No matter how many times he would wonder about Karamatsu's whereabouts. "I hope he's alright, he seemed pretty tired this morning.

"Ah, don't start worrying, Fappymatsu-niisan," Todomatsu said, looking over from his phone. "Knowing Shittymatsu-niisan, he's probably out think that any girls walking by him are falling for him like always. Even though his so called Karamatsu girls don't exist."

Choromatsu let out a soft chuckle, nodding. "Yeah, you're probably right." He furrowed his brows a bit, slamming his hands on the table. "H-hey, Totty stop calling me that!" Everyone, other than Ichimatsu, started laughing. Osomatsu patted his younger brother on the back, while Choromatsu just looked at everyone annoyed.

Karamatsu hung his head, a couple tears fall from his cheeks to the hardwood floors. He shoved his hands in his pockets, shuffling his feet towards the bathroom. Ichimatsu looked up for a moment, just in time to see the faint shadow pass by the living room door. He furrowed his brows with curiosity, pushing himself up off the floor. The others were too distracted to notice him getting up and walking towards the door, opening it slightly and sticking his head out to see who it was. _Karamatsu?_ he thought, keeping silent. Ichimatsu looked behind him to make sure no one was watching before quietly sneaking out and following his older brother.

Karamatsu slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He took his glasses off and placed them by the sink, kneeling down and opening then cabinets under the sink, reaching in and taking out a small bag. Opening the bag and reaching inside, he took out a small, fresh razor blade, unwrapping it. Karamatsu bit his bottom lip as he rolled up his left sleeve, looking down at his wrist. It had been a few months, but he could still see some faint scars from the last time, lucky that his brothers never noticed. Sighing, he moved the blade to his wrist, wincing as he made a quick swift horizontal cut. Tears started forming from the sting of the cut, opening his eyes to watch the blood starting to drip from the new cut. Karamatsu tried his best to keep his crying quiet as he made four or five other cuts along with the first one. After that, he threw away the blade and just stared at the blood. He grabbed a couple of tissues and gently wiped the red liquid off of his skin, grabbing gauze from under the sink and carefully wrapping his wrist in it, throwing the tissues away and pulling his sleeve down to cover the gauze.

Ichimatsu pressed his ear to the bathroom door, trying to see if he could hear anything. He hoped that Karamatsu was just in their using the toilet, but his heart sank when he heard the soft sobs and sniffles from inside. He bit his bottom lip, forming a fist, lifting his hand and ready to knock. But as soon as he heard movement, Ichimatsu jumped back, freezing a bit. He gulped, keeping calm so that Karamatsu wouldn't be suspicious.

A few seconds after Ichimatsu moved from the door, it opened, Followed by Karamatsu walking out. He looked up at his brother, blinking a few times. "Ichimatsu?" He cleared his throat, smirking and moving out of the way and bowing a bit. "The bathroom is all yours, my brother." Karamatsu looked up, his smiling fading when he noticed the look on Ichimatsu's face. It wasn't his normal deadpan expression. Instead, it was a look of worry. One that was rare to see. "I-Ichmatsu?"

"A...are you okay?" This wasn't like Ichimatsu. To show any sort of concern for anyone was completely unlike him. But Ichimatsu examined his older brother's face, noticing the dark circles under his eyes and the read tint around his irises. "You look like you've been crying."

Karamatsu blinked, eyes widening as he realized he forgot his glasses. He quickly ran into the bathroom, grabbing them and putting them on. Stepping out again, he smirked at Ichimatsu, giving him his normal attitude. "I'm perfectly fine, brother. You do not have to worry about lil ol' me. Now go ahead and use the bathroom." Karamatsu stood tall as he walked past him, heading towards the living room to sit with the others and act like he was fine.

 _You're lying,_ Ichimatsu thought. _You're lying, something's wrong, something's very wrong and I'm going to find out._ Ichimatsu couldn't help but worry, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He looked around, trying to find some proof that his older brother wasn't telling the truth. He glanced over to the trashcan, spotting something red on one of them. He knelt down, taking out the tissues that were covered in blood. Ichimatsu could feel his heart starting to pound, his hands trembling as he kept digging through the trash. His eyes widened as he took out the razor blade, a little blood covering the sharp edge of the blade. Dropping it, he felt tears starting to roll down his cheeks. Ichimatsu covered his mouth and closed his eyes, softly sobbing. "K-Kara...matsu."


	4. Chapter 4

Between the time that Ichimatsu followed Karamatsu to the bathroom and Karamatsu joining his brothers in the living room, the noise level had died down. Nobody even noticed when Karamatsu walked in. Actually, he tried to get everyone's attention when he walked in but was completely ignored...again. Choromatsu was still reading his book, Todomatsu still on his phone. Jyushimatsu was on one side of the room swinging his bat and counting. Osomatsu seemed to be sleeping on the table. So he sighed and shuffled over to the couch, laying down with his back towards the others.

Only a few minutes had passed Ichimatsu slammed the living room door open, making everyone except Karamatsu jump. Osomatsu had instantly opened his eyes, sitting up and looking around. Ichimatsu stood at the door, hanging his head, a few tears falling from his cheeks. "I-Ichimatsu-niisan?" Todomatsu stuttered out, looking at his older brother with a nervous expression. "What happened? A-are you crying?"

Ichimatsu ignored them. Taking a step into the room, he turned towards where Karamatsu was laying. He could feel his emotions that he had worked so hard to keep hidden at all times overwhelming him mumbling, "Why, Karamatsu?"

"Hm?" Karamatsu turned over on a bit to look at Ichimatsu, furrowing his brows as he couldn't see his face. He slowly sat up, a lump forming in his throat. "W-why what, Ichimatsu?"

"Why didn't you tell any of us what was going on!?" Ichimatsu shouted, balling his hands into fists. "Why didn't you come talk to us if you were upset!?" It wasn't like Ichimatsu to be this loud. It wasn't like him to openly cry in front of his family. But after seeing the remains of what Karamatsu had done in the bathroom, all the pent up emotion was let out.

Karamatsu's heart started pounding, feel as though he was going to burst. And suddenly, his mouth went dry. Trying to speak up, he couldn't find the words to say. He wanted to protest that everything was fine, but the words were lost in the many lies he had been telling. "What are you talking about, Ichimatsu?" Choromatsu asked. "What's wrong with Karamatsu-niisan?"

"See for yourself..." Reaching into the pocket of his sweater, Ichimatsu pulled out the bloody tissues and used razor blade, dropping them on the table. Instantly, everyone else's eyes widened, like they were synchronized. Choromatsu covered his mouth, completely in shock. Todomatsu could feel the tears starting to form. Even Jyushimatsu's constantly smile had turned into a frown.

"K-Karamatsu," Osomatsu stuttered. "Did you-"

"N-no, I didn't!" Karamatsu denied, his hands shaking. "I-I wouldn't, why would you accuse me of something like that?!" God, he knew that this lie wasn't going to get passed anyone. His stuttering, the denial, the way his hands were trembling? His body language was practically screaming out what he had done. Ichimatsu started walking towards him, quickly grabbing his older brother by the wrist. Karamatsu winced, trying to pull his arm away. "I-Ichimatsu, let me go, I said I didn't do anything!"

"Yeah, and if you were telling the truth, you wouldn't be fighting back!" Ichimatsu shouted, rolling up Karamatsu's sleeve to reveal the poorly wrapped gauze around his wrist. Karamatsu kept trying to fight, knowing he already lost. It wasn't long before Ichimatsu had removed the gauze, revealing the fresh cuts.

A couple gasps were heard from the others, Karamatsu looking away and closing his eyes tight so he couldn't see their reactions. _They don't care,_ he thought. _They don't care, they don't care! They'll just say you're asking for attention! They'll just go back to calling you painful, they'll just ignore you again. They don't...care._

"Karamatsu..." Ichimatsu said softly, kneeling down in front of his brother. "Why didn't you tell us something was wrong?"

"Because none of you would've cared..." he replied, looking over at his brothers, furrowing his brows. "None of you seem to give a shit about me!" Karamatsu's volume started rising, pulling his arm away from Ichimatsu. "All my life, you all have called me painful. Painful painful painful! Every damn day of my life, one of you will say it to me..." He slowly stood up, balling his hands into fists. "Not once have any of thought that it was killing me. Not once did you ask if I was okay with it!" Hot tears started streaming from his eyes, all of his brothers frozen where they sat. "Wanna know why I never told you guys anything? Because even if I did, you wouldn't fucking believe me and I'm tired of it!"

Ichimatsu blinked, looking up. "K-Karamatsu, we didn't-"

"Shut up, just shut up!" Karamatsu raised his hands to his ears, shutting his eyes tight. "Don't act like you care now! You never cared, none of you!" There were a few moments of silence, Karamatsu's hands dropping to his sides. "You guys will...will be better off when I'm dead!" He shouted, pushing past Ichimatsu and running towards the front door.

"Karamatsu!" Ichimatsu yelled, getting up and chasing after him, but he was already out of the house before he could reach him. Ichimatsu looked around, the house but couldn't find Karamatsu anywhere. Soon he was joined by the others, running into town to search for their brother.


End file.
